When is it time to lay down the armour we carry to make room for being vulnerable? What does it take to say “that’s it I need to reach out for support? How do we make that first step in naming that we are no longer wanting to do it alone.” What if asking for support isn’t as bad as we thought it might be? What if it actually brings us relief to know we aren’t alone and that we can heal?
Being vulnerable requires meeting ourself with compassion and empathy as we open ourselves to new possibilities for our lives. It requires us to soften into what is common humanity where we humbly meet our struggles face on and hold space for growth and learning. Unlearning conditioned patterns and behaviours, exploring beliefs that no longer serve us, and releasing emotions that confine our potential selves can be done with the companionship of horses. Horses know how to meet us in vulnerability in that what they know and live is being present. They lead by example of being in the moment, setting boundaries, nonjudgement, assertiveness, forgiveness and having literal HORSEPOWER.
If you wish to explore ways to open yourself to the gifts of Vulnerability, reach out and we will meet you there.
“WE ARE BETTER TOGETHER”
Be Present. Horses are in tune with the present moment. When we are mindfully present, we increase our life satisfaction.
EQUINE ASSISTED SUPPORT SESSIONS and EQUIGROUNDING SESSIONS assist in facilitating these skills in ourselves.
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Say what you mean and mean what you say. Horses are master communicators and deliberate with everything they do. To communicate effectively with horses, we need to be secure and confident in ourselves. They teach us to self-regulate our emotions and find our voice, verbally and non-verbally.
Be Authentic. Horses do not know how to be anything other than who they are. They inspire us to connect with our true self and engage with the world with authenticity and vulnerability.
Let it Go. Horses are focused on the present moment, they know how to shift from danger mode to calm almost immediately. They can teach us how to do the same in our experiences.
We are better together. Horses are herd animals. Humans are also hard-wired to be in relationships. While humans have a tendency to withdraw from their social support when dealing with life’s challenges, horses’ relationships with each other become more important during times of stress and danger. They know that survival is strongest when you are in a herd.
“WELL YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS SO…” Sound familiar as a caregiver when you share some honest feelings and emotions around caregiving fatigue? Whether you are a personal caregiver for another, a parent or a professional caregiver in the helping professions, this comment often triggers a deep visceral response in our bodies. It often ilicits emotions such as anger and surprise, when truly what it reflects is ignorance and is a comment devoid of any empathy or insight into the world of caregiving for others. It really is another persons judgement onto the experience of the one who is a caregiver and is how the “Shame Game” is played. As a professional and personal caregiver myself, I have walked through the journey of compassion fatigue aka “burnout”. It was a compilation of lived experiences where my body, mind and spirit finally said “that’s it you’re done”. We have to remember that caregiving for others does not happen in isolation from a person’s other life events, traumas and challenges. Caregiver burden often is cumulative, especially when there is a sustained period of time and events of which stressors are occurring. I felt as though I no longer had anything left to give to others, let alone myself. This is where my journey to reclaiming myself and my own personal power really got a kick start. Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion was a game changer for me and according to Neff, self-compassion has three elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. When we courageously name, honour as well as listen to our emotions and bodily experiences, we are removing the isolation of our experiences and realizing the common humanity in caring for and about others. YES we can be exhausted, depleted, disheartened, discouraged and we ARE ALLOWED TO BE HONEST about these! This is truly how we heal, find solutions to our challenges, reach out for support, ask for help etc. As women we often can feel as though we should be able to do it all! How often do we say that to ourselves or rather just expect this of ourselves especially if comments such as “Well, you signed up for this” are said to us. There are strong undercurrents to this type of statement that are undermining and encourage self—blaming if we don’t consciously get it and name it when it happens. Patriarchy and cultural expectations also contributes to this guilt/shame cycle when expressing difficult emotions around depletion of one’s own life force energy surrounding caregiving and it’s complex issues.
Dr. Brene Brown describes in her book “The Atlas of the Heart” the four elements of shame resilience. Firstly, recognizing shame and understanding it’s triggers. Can you physically recognize when you’re in the grip of shame, name it, feel your way through it, and figure out what messages and expectations triggered it? Secondly, practicing critical awareness. Can you reality check the messages and expectations that are driving your shame? Are they realistic? Attainable? Thirdly, reaching out…are you owning and sharing your story? We can’t experience empathy if we’re not connecting. Lastly, silence, secrecy, and judgement fuel shame and guilt. Are you talking about how you feel and asking for what you need when you feel these things come up for you in your life?
If you would benefit from equine assisted support to reclaim your power for experiences that have come up for you around caregiving, reach out to Deb and the horses at www.fullcircleeas.ca
Happy Mother’s day to all those who care, support, and nurture the bodies, minds and souls of others. The world is a better place because of you and YES we did sign up for this, you bet we did.
